At The Masters: Augusta National - A Gardener's Delight

Ahhh, the Masters at Augusta National. It is a revered sanctuary to this amateur golfer's heart and mind. I've been once and that was enough. As a claustrophobic, I love it on television. I don't have to scramble and dodge to see my favorite golfers and I can make my own pimento cheese sandwiches and drink mint juleps without bumping elbows and stepping on toes.

But every year I recall the garden that is Augusta National, one that can make a good walk unspoiled, no matter how you play. The colors, the botanical aromas, the rippling waters and the immense green of the manicured grass, that I did enjoy, and would again without the densely packed, but mannered crowds.

The Augusta National Golf Course was formerly a plant nursery and each hole on the course is named after the tree or shrub with which it has become associated. Several of the holes on the first nine have been renamed.

First Nine (Masters’ folks don’t like the term “front nine.”)

First Tee: Tea Olive; Second: Pink Dogwood; Third: Flowering Peach; Fourth: Flowering Crab Apple;

Magnolia

Fifth: Magnolia; Sixth: Juniper; Seventh: Pampas; Eighth: Yellow Jasmine; Ninth: Carolina Cherry.

Second Nine: 

Tenth hole: Camellia; Eleventh: White Dogwood; Twelfth: Golden Bell; Thirteenth: Azalea; Fourteenth: Chinese Fir; Fifteenth: Firethorn; Sixteenth: Redbud; Seventeenth: Nandina; Eighteenth: Holly.

Azalea

Unlike most other private or public golf courses in the United States, Augusta National has never been rated. During the 1990 Masters Tournament, a team of USGA raters, organized by Golf Digest, evaluated the course and gave it an unofficial rating of 76.2. It was re-evaluated in 2009 and given an unofficial rating of 78.1.

The golf course architecture website GolfClubAtlas.com has said, “Augusta National has gone through more changes since its inception than any of the world’s twenty or so greatest courses. To call it a MacKenzie course is false advertising as his features are essentially long gone and his routing is all that is left.” The architects, it is said, was strongly influenced by the Old Course at St Andrews, and intended that the ground game be central to the course.

However, almost from Augusta’s opening, Roberts sought to make changes to minimize the ground game, and effectively got free rein to do so because MacKenzie died shortly after the course’s opening and Jones went into inactivity due to World War II and then a crippling illness. The authors add, “With the ground game gone, the course was especially vulnerable to changes in technology, and this brought on a slew of changes from at least 15 different ‘architects’.
Source: Wikipedia.


Enjoy the Game!



Gerrie Ferris Finger

SUFFOLK MYSTERY AUTHORS FESTIVAL - August 4

Hello Friends and Followers

On Saturday, August 4, 2018 I will be attending the Suffolk Mystery Authors Festival in Suffolk, Virginia. I attended last year and it was loads of fun for authors, readers and attendees alike. You are welcome to browse the tables of 30 authors. Buy our books and we will sign them for you. 

I will be autographing American Nights, the 6th in the Moriah Dru/Richard Lake series, and the 7th, the newly-released Wolf's Clothing. Please stop by and say  hello. 

I will also be on a panel with the title: My Job's Trying to Kill Me: How A Sleuth's Profession Impacts The Story. Moriah Dru is a PI child finder and Richard Lake is an Atlanta PD detective. Many have tried to kill this duo. So far they've dispatched the bad guys.

We'd love to see you August 4th.

A Synopsis of Wolf's Clothing

The 7th in the Moriah Dru/Richard Lake series begins when Atlanta's famous police dog, Buddy, is stolen from his handler's SUV.  The community is anguished over the German Shepherd's disappearance. Buddy and black Lab, Jed, work with Child Trace's Moriah Dru when she's hired by the courts to find missing children. Atlanta's citizens thrilled when the two canines found children slated for the sex trade overseas and those secreted in the outbuildings of a cathedral. Dru, a former police officer, is aided in her investigations by her lover, Lieutenant Richard Lake of the Atlanta Police Department. 

wolfs-clothing

But why did two men pull into one of Atlanta's toniest malls and steal a police dog, and how did they get away with it? The trail to Buddy's abductors leads to a training facility where that day the canines underwent yearly trials; to an investment scam, dubbed by the media The Wolves of Atlanta; and to a mega-church's financial chicanery. As Dru and Lake dig deeper, the bodies of the good and the bad pile up while Dru crosses her fingers one will not be Buddy. 

For more of my books

As always, Happy Reading!

Gerrie Ferris Finger

  

WORLD OTTER DAY

I love World Days. Today, May 30, is World Otter Day.

When my children were small and we made weekly visits to the zoos in and around our state, they always made a beeline to the otters' hangouts, which were streams and other aquatic gymnasiums.  They seemingly, to me, spent their days swimming, playing and eating raw fish. Not a bad way for homo sapiens to spend their days, either. Their family is the Lutrinae.  Other members of this family are honey badgers (earthworm eating stink bombs, sorry badge). martens (cute tree huggers), minks (slinky minky), polecats (Polecats!) and wolverines (I thought they belonged to the woo-woo myths of gothic horror).

From Wiki, that know-it-all site: 

An otter's den is called a holt or couch. Male otters are called dogs or boars, females are called bitches or sows, and their offspring are called pups. The collective nouns for otters are bevy, family, lodge, romp (being descriptive of their often playful nature) or, when in water, raft.

The feces of otters are typically identified by their distinctive aroma, the smell of which has been described as ranging from freshly mown hay to putrefied fish; these are known as spraints. (By any other name, they still stink.)

Until the next World Day catches my fancy, 

Best to all, 

Gerrie Ferris Finger

Author of twenty novels, seven in the Moriah Dru/Richard Lake Series.

Just out #7: WOLF'S CLOTHING

http://ow.ly/Sydk30kgavg

WORLD BOOK DAY

I missed World Book Day this year. It was in May. Little late, but last year's offering has not changed. 

For me, books have been an enduring pleasure. Reading transports me to other worlds and makes me laugh and cry, has horrified and comforted.

Also reading made me a writer. Not that I thought I could create better stories and characters than writers I enjoyed reading, but as an avenue to create my own worlds.

Here are quotes gathered from Brainy Quote, FlavorWire and Good Reads.

 “The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”  — Jane Austen

“Reading is a conversation. All books talk. But a good book listens as well.” — Mark Haddon

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” ― Groucho Marx

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” ― C.S. Lewis

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” ― Oscar Wilde

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.” ― Ernest Hemingway

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” ― Charles William Eliot

“Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry.” ― Cassandra Clare

“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.” — Ray Bradbury

“Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn't carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.” ― Stephen King

“Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out.” ― J.K. Rowling

Happy Reading!

AMERICAN NIGHTS .

"Saudi Arabian prince, Husam al Saliba, hires child-finder Moriah Dru to find his missing American wife, Reeve, and daughter, Shahrazad.

The investigation begin when Husam tells of falling in love with Reeve, of turning his back on his ascendancy to the Saudi power structure for the woman he loves. He talks of his king’s disapproval of him marrying and siring an infidel.

But does he really want to return to the good graces of the royal family and marry cousin Aya and be an heir to kingship? Confused Dru thinks she’s fallen into a fairy tale. After all the prince is fond of reciting tales from the Arabian Nights.

The investigation had just begun when Reeve’s parents, Lowell and Donna Cresley were  killed. They hated their prince son-in-law. He is immediately suspected when the Atlanta police, in the person of Dru's lover Lt. Richard Lake, come into the case.

It’s soon evident infidelity abounds and everyone has something dreadful to hide.


http://amzn.to/29jOnRa
http://bit.ly/29eFsgJ

Thanks and Happy Reading!

Gerrie Ferris Finger
SHOOTING THE DEAD - New ebook
http://bit.ly/1TSL05F
http://amzn.to/1WWg7gW

THE ORIGIN OF THE PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE

There is one Christmas Carol that has always puzzled me. What do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come outof the pear tree, have to do with Christmas?


According to Wikipedia, the meaning of The Twelve Days of Christmas has yet to be satisfactorily explained. According to The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes, "Suggestions have been made that the gifts have significance, as representing the food or sport for each month of the year. Importance [certainly has] long been attached to the Twelve Days, when, for instance, the weather on each day was carefully observed to see what it would be in the corresponding month of the coming year. Nevertheless, whatever the ultimate origin of the chant, it seems probable [that] the lines that survive today both in England and France are merely an irreligious travesty."

On the other hand, modern folklore claims that the song's lyrics were written as a catechism song to help young Catholics learn their faith, at a time when practicing Catholicism was discouraged in England (1558 until 1829). In this catechism version there are two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of the church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.
Even if it's lore - and who's to say? - it's good lore.


Merry Christmas.

Gerrie Ferris Finger

Razzing and Roaring at the Ryder Cup

I love the Ryder Cup, what golfer doesn't?

 

I have favorite players on both sides--the Euros and the Americans, but no matter how much I admire Henrik Stenson,, I hope he loses to Jordan Spieth.

 

But my favorite moment in this year's tumultuous games--including the arrogant bowing and shushing of the American crowd by the European  players and booing of McIlroy--was when a heckler challenged a couple  of European pros to a putting contest. From the crowd at a practice round, he made wise crack remarks about how they couldn't sink a 12-foot putt.

 

So my favy Euro golfer, Henrik Stenson, grabbed David Johnson from North Dakota out of the crowd and handed him a putter. Euro Justin Rose laid a $100 bill on the grass. The crowd laughed as the amateur plumb-bobbed the putt--who does that anymore?--and took his stance. With a firm roll, Johnson sank the ball.

   

So, how did a heckler in the crowd manage to sink a shot that two champion golfers simply couldn’t?

“I closed my eyes, swallowed my puke and hit the putt,” Johnson said. “It happened to go in.”

I can relate, except I don't puke--ladies don't--but I waver a bit on key putts with cash on them.

Now back to the  one-upsmanship match play exhibited by American Reed and Euro McIlroy. What would that gentleman of the game, Arnie Palmer, say?

Happy Golfing.

Gerrie Ferris Finger

 

ARNOLD PALMER - Long live The King!

Arnold Palmer made a country club sport popular for the everyman. Through his remarkable life, he never lost that personal touch. That's what made him The King.

Palmer died Sunday in Pittsburgh. He was 87.

"Arnold transcended the game of golf," Jack Nicklaus said. "He was more than a golfer...  He was an icon. He was a legend. He took the game from one level to a higher level, virtually by himself. Along the way, he had millions of adoring fans.

Alastair Johnston, the CEO of Arnold Palmer Enterprises, said Palmer was admitted to the UPMC Hospital on Thursday for some cardiovascular work and weakened over the last few days.

Beyond his golf, Palmer was a pioneer in sports marketing, paving the way for scores of other athletes to reap  millions from endorsements. Some four decades after his last PGA Tour win, he ranked among the highest-earners in golf. It is not an exaggeration to say there would be no modern-day PGA Tour without Arnold Palmer. Golfers would still be wearing plus-fours, coats and ties. Hmmmm, what would John Daly wear?

Palmer would hitch up his pants, drop a cigarette and attack the flags. With powerful hands wrapped around the golf club, Palmer would slash at the ball with all of his might, twist that muscular neck and squint to see where it went. "When he hits the ball, the earth shakes,"Gene Littler once said. Palmer rallied from seven shots behind to win a U.S. Open. He blew a seven-shot lead on the back nine to lose a U.S.Open. His fans lovin' him all the way.

He was never dull And he never liked being referred to as "The King," but the name stuck. "It was back in the early '60s. I was playing pretty good, winning a lot of tournaments, and someone gave a speech and referred to me as 'The King,'" Palmer said in a November 2011 interview with The Associated Press."I don't bask in it. I don't relish it. I tried for a long time to stop that and," he said, pausing to shrug, "there was no point."

He was equally successful off with golf course design, a wine collection, and apparel that included his famous logo of an umbrella. He "invented" the Arnold Palmer, an ice tea and lemonade concoction. PGA star, Padraig Harrington recalls eating in an Italian restaurant in Miami when he heard a customer order one.

"Think about it," Harrington said. "You don't go up there and order a 'Tiger Woods' at the bar. You can go up there and order an 'Arnold Palmer' in this country and the barman — he was a young man — knew what the drink was. That's in a league of your own."

A league of his own, for sure.

Gerrie Ferris Finger
With Doug Fergerson, The Associated Press

Marilyn's Musings: HOW AMERICAN NIGHTS GOT ITS TITLE by Gerrie Ferris...

Marilyn's Musings: HOW AMERICAN NIGHTS GOT ITS TITLE by Gerrie Ferris...: Thanks Marilyn for inviting me to your blog and to write about my new release American Nights on August 17. American Nights is ...

RUNNING WITH WILD BLOOD

See Kirkus Review Below

Richard Lake of the Atlanta Police Department gets a cold case when a witness suddenly gets his memory back.

Lake recruits Moriah Dru to look into the murder of Juliet Trapp‚ sixteen when she died‚ and a student at Winters Farm Academy.

Juliet Trapp had told her mother she was going to Bike Week with Wild Blood‚ an outlaw motorcycle gang‚ over the Christmas break.

The police were unable to solve Juliet's murder after interviews with the bikers.

The case roars into high gear when Juliet's father‚ Sherman Trapp‚ is murdered in Chattanooga where Wild Blood is the predominant motorcycle club.

Dru discovers that Trapp was trying to find the killer of his daughter‚ but got too close.

Dru and Lake join forces with a wary Wild Blood to solve the murders and clear the club -- if, indeed, everyone in it can be cleared of murder.

RUNNING WITH WILD BLOOD  Kirkus Review

Author: Gerrie Ferris Finger Review Issue Date: November 15, 2014 Publisher: Five Star Pages: 320 Publication Date: January 21, 2015 ISBN ( Hardcover ): 978-1-4328-2966-7 Category: Fiction Classification: Mystery

A tracer of missing children investigates a murder involving an outlaw motorcycle gang. Atlanta Detective Richard Lake asks his girlfriend, Moriah Dru, owner of Child Trace (Murmurs of Insanity, 2014, etc.), to look into the unsolved three-year-old homicide of Juliet Trapp. The spoiled daughter of a wealthy family, Juliet had a history of taking off on wild adventures, and her involvement with the Wild Blood Motorcycle Club may have led to her death. Although her body was found, raped and murdered, near the club's hangout, the police have never proved anything against them. Juliet's missing father, Sherman, may have been reduced to the remains Dru discovers have been stolen from a Chattanooga crematorium.

Dru's only lead in Chattanooga, a Wild Blood girlfriend, has vanished. Since Juliet attended the Winters Farm Academy, Dru starts nosing around there and soon learns that some of Juliet's relationships with the faculty were problematic. One of her two best friends was left a paraplegic by a riding accident during a wild, unapproved steeplechase Juliet planned. The other, Bunny Raddison, proves hard to find. Lake and Dru get permission to ride Lake's Harley with the Wild Bloods to a gang convention in Florida. After Dru fatally shoots a wannabe biker trying to kill Wild Blood leaders at a Blood funeral, the gang agrees to help find Juliet's killer. Dru's mission is complicated by ambitious FBI agent Grady, who has a snitch in the gang. Grady follows the Bloods to Florida and seems to be trying to roll their case into his big investigation of outlaw bikers. While Dru and Lake desperately try to find Bunny, Dru's computer specialist continues to dig for background. When Dru is nearly taken down by hired killers, she knows she must be getting close to the solution. A heady mixture of thriller and mystery with so many red herrings that you'll need a trawler to catch them all.

A blogger's review:

http://www.mikishope.com/2015/01/book-review-running-with-wild-blood.html

Thanks for reading my blog and check out the books in the Dru/Lake Series.

Running with Wild Blood
http://amzn.to/1HZxd1A

Murmurs of Insanity
http://amzn.to/1qnIZf6

The Devil Laughed
http://amzn.to/14cExnt

The Last Temptation
http://amzn.to/NQGdK7

The End Game (national award-winning debut)
http://amzn.to/nndEx2

Also check out The Ghost Ship, A Glorious Curse, Whispering, and the novels in the Laura Kate O'Connell Series: Honored Daughters, When Serpents Die and Wagon Dogs.

Happy Reading

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

To mothers across the globe and to those who share their lives and loves with their children and teach them how to live the joy of life. 

My late mother taught my brother and I to communicate and act with compassion and happiness.

To my daughter who shares her beautiful heart and soul with her son.

To my daughters-in-law who share their love and joy with their son and daughter.

I hope that my granddaughters and grandsons  can say the same for me.

Have a Beautiful Day

Gerrie Ferris Finger

 

RUN FOR THE ROSES

The horn will blow the call for the "Run for the Roses" on May 7, 2016 in the 142^nd running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. The race is the first of the famous Triple Crown races for three-year-old horses.

Post Time: 6:34 p.m.

HISTORY

In 1872, Col. Meriwether Lewis Clark, Jr., grandson of William Clark of the Lewis and Clark expedition, traveled to England, visiting the Epsom Derby, a famous race that had been running since 1780. From there, Clark went on to Paris, France, where a group had formed the French Jockey Club and had organized the Grand Prix de Paris at Longchamp -- the greatest race in France.

Back home, Clark organized the Louisville Jockey Club to raise money to build a quality racing track. That track would become Churchill Downs, named for John and Henry Churchill, who provided the land for the racetrack.

The Kentucky Derby was first run at 1¹⁄₂ miles, the same distance as the Epsom Derby. The distance was changed in 1896 to its current 1¹⁄₄ miles.

WINNERS

American Pharoah won it in 2015. Ridden by Victor Espinoza and trained by Bob Baffert.

The first winner: Out of a field of 15 horses, Aristides, trained by Ansel Williams and ridden by Oliver Lewis, won.

Thoroughbred owners began sending their successful Derby horses to compete a few weeks later in the Preakness Stakes, in Baltimore, Maryland, followed by the Belmont Stakes in Elmont, New York. In 1919 Sir Barton became the first horse to win all three races. However, the term Triple Crown didn't come into use for another eleven years. In 1930, when Gallant Fox became the second horse to win all three races, sportswriter Charles Hatton brought the phrase into American usage.

The fastest time ever run in the Derby (at its present distance) was set in 1973 at 1:59.4 minutes when the great Secretariat broke the record set by Northern Dancer in 1964. Not only has Secretariat's record time yet to be topped, he did something unique in Triple Crown races: in each successive quarter (distance markers around the track), his times were faster. (The history of Secretariat is fascinating. Google it.)

Secretariat

DERBY TRADITIONS:

Mint Julep: Iced drink of bourbon, mint, sugar syrup.

Burgoo: A stew of beef, chicken, pork and vegetables.

Derby Pie: A tart filled with chocolate and walnuts. (Secret family recipe).

My Old Kentucky Home: As the horses are parade before the grandstands, the University of Louisville Marching Band plays Stephen Foster's "My Old Kentucky Home," a tradition began in 1921.

Run for the Roses: So called because a garland of red roses is draped across the mane of the Kentucky Derby winner each year. The tradition originated in 1883 when a New Yorker presented roses to ladies at a post-Derby party that was attended by Churchill Downs founder and president, Col. M. Lewis Clark.

Large (race-obscuring) Hats: Though horse racing was “old hat” for British and French society, American women shied away from horse racing – yikes - gambling and drinking! Clark, being the visionary that he was and not wanting his new race to seem seedy, encouraged women to attend in the guise of a picnic with friends. Thus they created an allure by positioning it as a fashion event with full morning dress for men and women.

Col. Clark would be proud: Through the decades, we women kept our responsibilities in curtailing seediness. We wear ornate, ridiculously large, hats -- and sometimes gloves.

Watch the most anticipated shortest two minutes in sports!

Gerrie Ferris Finger

Books: Running with Wild Blood (Nothing to do with horses except for those powering a motorcycle.)

American Nights - release date: Aug 17, 2016

Cheers!

Today is Cinco de Mayo or as some say Cinco de Drinko! 

Cinco de Mayo, Spanish for "May 5th", or literally, "Five of May", is a celebration held on May 5. The date is observed to commemorate the Mexican Army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza. In the United States, Cinco de Mayo is sometimes mistaken to be Mexico's Independence Day—the most important national holiday in Mexico—which is celebrated on September 16.

 Thanks to Wiki, now you know.

Celebrate!! 

Gerrie Ferris Finger 

RUNNING WITH WILD BLOOD
AMERICAN NIGHTS (released Aug. 17, 2016)

RUNNING WITH WILD BLOOD, A Thriller

Richard Lake of the Atlanta Police Department gets a cold case when a witness suddenly gets his memory back. Lake recruits Moriah Dru to look into the murder of Juliet Trapp, sixteen when she died, and a student at Winters Farm Academy. Juliet Trapp had told her mother she was going to Bike Week with Wild Blood, an outlaw motorcycle gang, over the Christmas break. The police were unable to solve Juliet's murder after interviews with the bikers. The case roars into high gear when Juliet's father, Sherman Trapp, is murdered in Chattanooga where Wild Blood is the predominant motorcycle club. Dru discovers that Trapp was trying to find the killer of his daughter, but got too close.

Green Beer, a Beard and a Potato - Hail to the Irish!

                                                               Happy St. Patricks Day.

 

    

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.  Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. 

 

 

     

     

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.  The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." 

"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" 

     

Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" 

Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room." 

          

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two in the morning.  I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .

 

 

 

     

Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive? 

     

Paddy and Mick get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bag six. 

As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those." 

The two lads object strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours." 

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded. 

However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere. 

A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks Mick, 

"Any idea where we are?" 

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," says Mick.

 

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year" 

Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

 

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tons of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

 

 

 

 

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!" 

 

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. 

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" 

Paddy says "What's his name?" 

Mick replies "Miles, from London!" 

Mick hasn't kissed his wife in years, but he'll mash  in the ol' potato any man who does. 

Be Irish, Be Happy!