THE OSCARS

I have never been a fan of the Oscars. Maybe it's because I'm an early-to-bedder, or because I don't go to many movies. I saw Sherlock Holmes and loved it, but I have no interest in Avatar. I'll take my grandchildren to movies. I've seen Elmoes and Shrecks so many times, I can speak the lines before the animated characters' mouths open.

Nor do I know the names of many stars. I do know who George Clooney is. Someone that easy on the eyes gets known even by blase people like me. I made it a point several years ago to take my husband to see "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou." The music became cult in our famiily. We YouTube it, and sing along.

A friend said about Oscar night: "Even if you don't know who's up for Oscars, you got to check out the clothes, the hair, the jewels, the shoes walking up the red carpet. It sets the style for the year."

She should know better. I have my own style - between bag lady and preppy. So, if I don't care for the movie, or the star, why would I care what he or she is wearing?

George Clooney did look good in that tux. Honest, I didn't seek out his photograph. When I fired up my computer this morning, Yahoo! News popped up and there was Mr. Clooney in all his elegance. Miley Cyrus's photograph fanned past, too. The dress was pretty, but she needs my mother's knuckles in the middle of her back. If I didn't stand up straight, my mother would appear and gently press her knuckles until I firmed my spine.

Maybe this year I'll take in a few more films, but I still won't watch the Oscars. If I'm up at midnight, I'm not watching television.